A New Addition

This is Mac  a grey and white Newfoundland that I am training as a therapy and service dog. It is my hope to use him to bring more joy to the participants of the friendship club that is run by my church. This is a group of special needs adults that meets for fun and fellowship through the church I attend.  He is also being trained as a service dog . His journey with us began when we picked him out at the age of 5 weeks and he returned home with us at the age of ten weeks old. He is very lively and intelligent and I have high  hopes for him. My husband and I are so grateful that the Lord let us have this bundle of joy to bless others. Here are some pictures of our new addition.

 

I Want To Be Different

Lord  you said to me I will restore you through my Church and I snapped back not a chance. I was so hurt I thought there would be no way back , everything was so broken. My health, my heart , my soul all shattered . Nothing left but apathy and neglect I was past luke warm heading  quickly towards cold.  In an attempt to go through the motions of obedience I church hopped never intending to put down roots. I had done that once pledging to do life  with the brethren of God and it was a disaster.  I never stopped believing in Christ but I was done with His church.

But as usual You showed yourself faithful. Despite my  terrible attitude You led me to a spirit filled church and slowly You began to warm up my cynical heart. Now  for the first time in a very long time I am hungry for change. I want to be different set apart by Your love. I no longer want a spirit of timidity. I want a heart full of courage where perfect love casts out fear and regret. Lord I no longer want to look back but move forward. I am asking You to give me a new filling of the holy spirit, one full of  love joy  and excitement.  Lord I am inviting You in and accepting your invitation of  restoration and I will always be grateful for Your unconditional love. Please let my life be a tapestry of  rich and royal hue. A master piece that reflects Your love and mercy because Lord there is no other artist as magnificent as You.

 

 

My God Forever Faithful

It has been quite awhile since I have posted and a lot has happened since my last post. Just in case you were wondering the Lord was faithful and we did sell the house in time to buy the new house we had put an offer on.  We moved into the new house on Nov 1st  and had just enough time to put up fencing and refurbish an old outbuilding into a small barn large enough to hold the horse, donkey and three goats . Now what happened to the barn cats you ask?  Well the wild ones were trapped and sent to a neighbouring  farm who agreed to feed and take care of  them . The others are living in a small bunkie on our property  affectionately called the Cat House lol. We were able to run hydro and heat out to  the bunkie  for   the cats and although we restored power to the barn we had to run water out to another out building near by in order to water all the livestock.  Now, not having the water right in the barn is a little inconvenient but the outbuilding holding the water is quite close to the barn so it  all works. The Lord was with us throughout the move and all that work was accomplished in about three weeks. The day after we installed everything the snow came down like crazy  and the ground began to freeze while all the animals were safe and snug inside the new barn. Once again the Lord’s timing was perfect as usual . The new house sits on ten acres and we have lots of groomed trails in the surrounding forest that make dog walking a dream.  But the Lord still had one more surprise in store for  us that made its appearance  after the first heavy snow in Dec and that was the deer. The person  who owned the house before us said he always had deer come to the house but we had lived there for a month and we were starting to doubt his story. Than one morning they just walked in and paid us a visit and  up till now they have been showing up regularly . This is the first time I had ever seen a deer up close and they truley are beautiful to behold.   We have been so blessed by the Lord who has given us so much more than we deserve and we are so thankful!

 

Waiting

Proverbs 3:5New King James Version (NKJV) 5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding

 

I have never been one that has been very good at waiting and patience has never been my strong suit. I know the Lord has been trying to grow me in this area and I find it a very painful place and some days are better than others. I have been battling with poor health for the last five years and for the most part I just roll with it but lately I have been feeling like I have had enough. After enduring a year’s worth of operations and being kidney stone free for a year my body is now making them again I just passed one and I am bleeding again and trying to pass another. My Chron’s disease is very active and the pain, cramps and lack of bowel control has made me take a leave of absence from work. My much-anticipated appointment with an internalist turned out to be a waste of time as he offered no help, no new medication just a see you in 3 months. I have an MRI this Thurs but I doubt this will shed much light on all the pain that has been ripping through my body and I guess the internalist thinks the same thing or he would not have said see you in three months. Now we are trying to sell the farm and we are having lots of showings but no offers and it just adds to the stress because we have a conditional offer on a house that ends Sept 15th. I know we are to wait on the Lord and His timing is often not when we think it should occur. But once again I find myself frustrated with the turn of events because I am trying to do the right thing. If we can sell the farm we can pay off the mortgage and all our debts and have just one small mortgage fee. We want to live a Godly life free of debt and I guess because we are trying to do the right thing I thought it would be a fast sell because God would bless it. I guess you more seasoned Christians are laughing at me now . I know God can’t be rushed so I am trying to look at the situation in a different light instead of seeing the situation as one that I am waiting on I could also look at in the light that the Lord is giving me the opportunity to trust Him and when I look at it in that light it feels much better than simply waiting on Him. The listing on the house runs out in sixty days which would be Sept 30th and if it hasn’t sold by then we will take it off the market and wait for spring.  Than I will just have to trust that the Lord doesn’t want us to make a move until next spring  so we will have to wait and see.

 

Ironically waiting is not a strong suit of my Service Dog and it has been developed over time with repeated opportunities to wait and rewards for waiting . I guess the Lord has not finished training me yet lol.

 

 

I Will Follow You

Evening Devotion

Psalm 37:vs 4-6

Delight yourself in the Lord

And He shall give you the desires of your heart

Commit your way  to the Lord

Trust also in Him

And he shall bring it to pass

He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light

And justice as the noonday

I Will Follow You

Lord You have convinced me, that I need to start again

Taking all the lessons learned, I will follow You my friend

You never have abandoned  me, You caught my every tear

And when I thought the end was near, you whispered child please don’t fear

For you are still my daughter no matter what you do and say

I’ve written my name upon your heart and there it will always stay

Regardless of your performance I didn’t come to judge

I want just to love you, I never hold a grudge

So let go of your anger, let not bitterness take hold

And I will restore you to my church, I’ll return you to the fold

There will still be trials but the holy spirit will be there

For you felt my holy breath ,in the rushing of the wind I brought to bear

Now that you trust me I can help you build a better life

Full of  my goodness I will lead you to the light

I will fight your battles I will be your sight

And all that you’ve been through, I will use it all

To help you minister to others  no matter what their  port of call

Keep your heart wide open, full of compassion for the broken

And I will bring to pass a life full of joy, for you’re the one I ‘ve chosen

When my heart is overwhelmed

When my heart is overwhelmed the Lord has been gracious to me. Even though my health has not been good and my looks have gone I have not been abandon. The Lord has stayed by my side to comfort me.

Currently I am just getting over pneumonia and hoping my breathing will come back in time. Despite the let downs I have had over the last five years  health wise the Lord has blessed me more than I deserve . He has given me a husband who loves me like the Lord loves the Church and I am so grateful for that gift. No matter how bad I look my wonderful husband tell me everyday that he thinks I am beautiful and how much he loves me.

The Lord has also blessed me with my Service Dog in training Riley who is such a big help to me. She is such a cuddle bug and she loves to hug. She will wrap her big hairy paws around my waist lay her head on my shoulder and just hold on to me. Everytime she does this I think to myself this is a little slice of heaven that the Lord left on Earth.

Thank You Lord for your Gifts!

I Think We’ve Found A Home

We finally found a dog friendly church that makes me feel relaxed about working with Riley. I used to be so uptight that she would make a mistake she would start alerting the second we walked in to church . We have been going to this church for a while and Riley is now so relaxed she will lay down on her side and flake out during the sermon. When we went to church this morning I was not feeling good and several times last night Riley kept getting on the bed to snuggle with me because I was in so much pain. Every time I drifted off she would get down and when the pain woke me up she would get back into bed with me.When we walked into church this morning I was standing up and singing Riley alerted and I ignored her but then she sat back on her haunches wrapped her to big furry paws around my arm and pulled me to a sit. This is an urgent alert by her that I might get dizzy and fall. I sat down for a few minutes than stood up for a song and this time she let me but when the sermon started she alerted again and that’s when those weird pains in my head started again she climbed into my lap and hugged me for a while and they start to go away. When she got down  she insisted in laying in front of me where she could see my face. Later in the sermon I felt comfortable enough to answered an alter call. Which means they invite anyone to come  up to the front of the church to be prayed over and anointed with oil (me not the dog) I was feeling comfortable enough to go to the front with Riley and while they were praying over me Riley decide to go behind me and climb up on the pew and sit with her back against mine looking out over the congregation while I was facing forward. I could not move because we were praying in a circle and holding hands. To be fair to Riley we have been working on block and cover. And cover is when Riley walks behind me and sits behind my legs so no one can get near my body. Normally when we do this there is space behind my legs to come behind me but this time the back of my legs were against the pew so Riley thought in her own mind that she should just get up and walk along the pew until she could sit right behind me. Now she is supposed to wait until I give her the command but there was a lot of people up at the front with me and I guess Riley felt compelled to protect my back because she knew I was sore But I would have prefered her not to use the front pew as a seat. When the pastor finished praising God everyone said Amen and Riley gave her best happy bark and the whole congregation cracked up. Later they all praised her for saying Amen at the end of the service. It’s so nice to be at a church that just laughs and take it in stride when your service dog makes a  big mistake lol. Thank goodness there was no one sitting in the front pew lol.

 

 

 

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Finding a new beginning

I know it has been quite awhile since I have blogged partly from being busy and partly from being  really discouraged. I think only someone who has dealt with chronic illness can understand how I have been feeling over the last  four months.

I have taken a break from my family which is really a painful thing to do but it seems I upset them by just being me. My sister and my father have admitted to me that they resent the way my illness had interrupted their lives when I was younger and they  no longer want to be inconvenienced  by me any longer. As my father so aptly put it was the only relationship he wanted with me is a casual visit once or twice a year. Despite hearing this I did still tried to keep the relationships going untill I found out they were no longer inviting me to birthdays because my work schedule made it to inconvenient for them to include me

I was shocked to hear this confession but what can I do I can’t change the way I am .

My church family was upset with me because they were all into faith healing and they were angry with me because I could not be healed. They started telling me I was full of sin and that’s why I could not be healed not even the pastor would come to see me in the hospital even though he visited others when they were sick. When my doctor prescribed a service dog for me the pastor refused to let me bring her even though there was another person in the church with a service dog.

Since that experience It has been hard to find another church that I feel comfortable in. I still believed in Jesus Christ but I am not so sure about his church . It seems that I am losing faith in my fellow-man but at least I still had my husband who I love and my service dog. I was once an outgoing person who loved God and the church but I have been so ravaged by poor health and unkind people that I have little desire to go back to the outside world and interact with people again. I think what has hurt me the most is how angry people are that I can’t live up to their expectations no matter how hard I try . And to tell you the truth I am sick of trying.

We have finally found another church that is very accepting of my service dog so I will attend and see how it goes. One good thing about having Riley as my service dog is at least when people approach me they focus on the dog and not me which makes conversation a bit easier.

When I was sick the drugs I was on made me gain a ton of weight which really changed the way I looked and I could not believe how badly my fellow church family handled it. Even when I explained to them I was not gaining weight because of what I was eating some people still would not believe it. I even had one person come up to me and say I am praying for you to change your eating habits. I was so embarrassed. I felt so bad about the weight that I stopped looking in mirrors and when I approached people I knew I could actually see the shocked look on their faces so I stopped looking up and just kept my head down when people walked by.

Now when I go out Riley helps me to walk but she also is helping to heal another deeper wound. I had lost all confidence in myself and interacting with others had become hard. Now when I am with Riley people are happy to see her and they smile which makes life a little bit easier for me.

This is a picture of me after finishing off  a final round of steroids and it will give you a bit of an idea of how swollen my face  was although when this picture was taken a lot of the swelling had already gone down. The red little dots you see under me eyes at the top of my cheeks is blistering rosacea which I developed and still have from coming off the steroids. They are painful little sores that can itch and bleed though the cream they gave me does make it better.

The next picture of me is with Riley near Christmas. Even though I am finished the drugs the weight is very slow in coming down and because walking is so painful and I am having trouble breathing exercise is very hard but with Riley I am trying ! Together we are starting over, a new beginning if you will. One in which I hope to learn to love myself and focus only on pleasing God and not worrying so much about what others think of me. And with God’s help this might lead to a new kind of peace for me and a new way of life.

 

 

 

 

 

Drown Proofing

Definition of Drown Proofing :a survival technique, for swimmers or nonswimmers, in which the body is allowed to float vertically in the water, with the head submerged, the lungs filled with air, and the arms and legs relaxed, the head being raised to breathe every ten seconds or so. Origin of drownproofing Expand

Drown Proofing with God

I slowly sink

He lifts me up

I slowly sink

He lifts me up

I slowly sink

He lifts me up

Isaiah 66:13

As a mother comforts her child,

 So I will comfort you

Just keep swimming but let God be your Life Saver

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Morning Devotion

I have had the biopsy procedure done last Friday and it will be three weeks untill I get the results. Pressure that comes with my job has taken a lot of my energy away as I worry about the future. Something we are not supposed to do because our heavenly father always looks out for us and knows what we need. Still sometimes I can’t help myself and I pray he will forgive me for my lack of trust.  I will continue with my training of Riley, she has gotten so big and I will post more pictures soon.

 

Morning Prayer

Lord you know my challenges that comes with every passing day

So as I  lift my hands to worship You, give me the courage to obey

Help me to remember Your promises and open my heart to You

Let others see You, through me today ,in everything I do

 

Take away the pain and bitterness that life sometimes brings

Help me to thank You always and help my heart to sing

As my voice shouts out Your praises, fill my soul with Your love

And help me avoid the pitfalls while You guide me from above

 

If I had just one thing to leave behind when You come to take me home

I want to leave the love of Christ, that lives on in every place I roamed

Because you sent me as Your messenger so all the world could see

Your love for all the people no matter where they are or where they flee

 

They will always be Your children whether near or far

Even if they are good or bad or they don’t know who they are

And as a loving Father he does not require that we fix

The brokeness inside us from the wounds that life inflicts

 

Instead He offers mercy and a second chance to live your life renewed

As he wipes away every tear and fills your heart with love so true

With tenderness and longing He calls us all to come and be his sheep

As the great Shepherd He invites us to discover his love is all we seek