This blog was created as a way for me to journal the relationship I am building with Christ while I am battling long-term chronic illness.
I was diagnosed with Chron’s Disease at the age of twelve years old and I have never really been pain-free. I have had three bowel blockages and one partial bowel blockage and then a bowel resection where they cut out a lot of my small intestine by the age of 21. As time went on I suffered from large swellings on my legs that looked like you inserted a baseball underneath the skin. When the doctors investigated it was just swollen tissue and blood and they told me it was another rare symptom of Chron’s disease. I also suffer from an inflammatory arthritis related to Chron’s disease.
I had a lot of trouble with asthma as a child and since having a respiratory flu last july my asthma has returned making it almost impossible to be outside if there is any humid weather.
I have had trouble with kidney stones and have had some surgically removed
At the age of 34 I develop fibromyaglgia which is basically uncontrolled nerve pain and out of all my conditions this is proving to be the most painful and difficult to treat. I have fought a long battle refusing to take any medication and I kept myself physically active so I would not seize up.
When I first left the hospital after diagnoses I could barely walk the pain was unbearable and the only thing that helped at all was taking Lorezapam (tranquilizer)once every four hours. I knew the drug was not the solution because it was addictive and I would have to find some other way to cope.
I remember the day so clearly I was just a baby Christian starting out to know the Lord and I clung to two simple truths outlined in the bible One God never gives you anything you can’t handle and Two nothing is impossible with God. That became my mantra.
I remember my husband used to drive me out to the barn we boarded our horses at and I would cry because sitting in the seat hurt so much. At that time even having clothing press against my skin would hurt. When we arrived he would help me groom and tack up the horse help me into the saddle and I would complete one circle around the arena with the horse at a walk, get off and untack the horse feed him some carrots and go home. Over time the gentle swaying of the horse worked my muscle enough to start loosen things up. One circle over time became two than three and eventually I could do more and more.
By staying active and refusing to stop moving when it was painful I have been able to operate our little hobby farm and supplemented our income by starting my own business cleaning houses which I have done for quite a few years.
Now I am approaching fifty and over the last few years my battle with fibro has intensified and finally I have tried Lyrica and other pain medicine to help me in this fight.
One of my hardest blows was last july when my world seem to unravel before my eyes. After contracting a respiratory flu, my battle with asthma resumed along with painful abscesses in my teeth that took weeks of intravenous antibiotics three times a day , another bout of respiratory flu that put me in the hospital where they discovered I have a small hole in my heart that they are watching , along with high blood pressure and more asthma, all the steroids I am taking are raising my blood sugars to the point that I am developing diabetes which means more med’s to keep my blood sugars in check, and now my Chron’s disease is flaring and even as I write this I am worried that I am developing another partial bowel blockage.
I have my good days and my bad days but one thing is for sure I always have God right beside me. He is me ever-present source of help in times of trouble and the rock I cling to in rough seas. I don’t want to give you the impression that I never cry because some days I do, I don’t want to give you the impression that I never get angry with God because sometimes I do, I don’t want to give you the impression that I never feel like giving up because sometimes I do, but on those days when I am at my lowest somehow an infinite God reaches down to me and always helps me up. Not because I am good, not because I deserve it, but simply because he loves me. Why, I’ll never know but you know what I’ll take it!
This blog is intended to be a recording of that love. When I first became a Christian it was very hard to understand how an infinite God could reach down and communicate with someone like me. I learned from hearing other people speak about how the Lord reached out to them and I began to pray and ask him to reach out to me and he answered. Nobody was more shocked than me. Why would he want to. Simply put John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, so that all who believed in him would not perish but have everlasting life.
All Jesus wants you to do is learn about who he is ,what he did at the cross, which is he gave his life in exchange for yours, so you could have everlasting life in eternity with God, and what do we have to do in exchange simply believe it! It almost seems to simple and for a long time I used to think what’s the catch there must be more to it than that.
But the truth is He reaches out for us because he loved us first. It doesn’t matter how bad you’ve been or what a wreck your life is Jesus loves you and is just waiting for you to invite him into your life. This blog was created to demonstrate how the Lord is working in my life and hopefully inspire others to invite him into their life too.