Tag Archive | Jesus

Who could thank the Lord

As I mentioned in the last blog I am now off Lyrica and the Lord was with me and made this change easier for me to do because I know that he is always there and I can call upon his strength. In stead of letting panic set when at times I felt weird. I was able to talk with him in prayer and work through it. Having such a powerful Allie is such a privilege. I am nervous about going back to work but as a good friend told me this morning don’t worry the Lord goes with you and I say a big Amen to that. Right now I am putting my mind back into fighting these diseases instead of giving up. The Lord has not given us a spirit of timidity but a spirit of power love and a sound mind. This means he has already given me the tools to complete any job he brings my way. My only job is not to get distracted and focus on Him and His word and believe it.

 

 

Who could thank the Lord

Who could thank the Lord above for everything He does

The words you’d need just would not come, there would not be enough applause

To adequately thank him for all his love and care

For keeping me out of harms way in a world that is not fair

And despite my feeble attempt to follow Him, I often do get lost

Somehow I forget that I’m the sheep and the Great Shepherd is the boss

But always he calls back to me, so often ,I now know his voice

Tenderly he crones to me and makes my heart rejoice

And His hands they stand me up again ready to deploy

On any errand he would have me do, I want so much to please

Trying to trust Him honestly when I can’t see the forest from the tree’s

But still he is always faithful, no matter what my state of mind

And in this world he always hold me untill the end of time

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The calm before the storm

Since I started steroids a week ago for my breathing the inflammation in my legs cleared up and I could finally move around like I used to but today brought another frank realization this would be a small calm in the midst of a bigger battle to get healthy.

Today was the first day I would start weaning off steroids which always makes me feel physically sick but the steroids also make me diabetic which caused my blood sugars to soar to 19 which made me feel worse.

I am on day three of trying to come off lyrica on to another nerve pain medicine and tonight I have to drop down another level lets hope I have a pain-free night

Oh Lord I am so happy your here with me always throughout my life

To share in all that this life brings the joy the peace the strife

Your loving hand that holds me is the only reason I still try

Knowing that your unwavering love will always get me by.

 

Waiting

Lord I am still here, waiting for Your word

Meditating on Your goodness as  I wait for the tide to turn

Away from all this hopelessness that will lead me to Your light

I was never more protected as You lead me in the fight

Lord it isn’t easy  waiting here for You

Even though You go out before me and do the things that I can’t do

I know you feel my pain and still your mercy reigns

As I recall all  your promises and the hope that they contain

Lord I am still waiting for You to work Your will

While You bare  all my burdens I will struggle up this hill

And when I reach the summit, I will look behind

To see you carried me through the darkness, you were with me all the time

 

 

 

 

Hard week but God’s still sweet.

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The hot weather is now upon us and I have been in the emergency dept twice this week but we now have new air condition units in the house so I hope to make it through this weekend with no trips to the emerg. I have made the decision to get off lyrica and try another medication to help with nerve pain so I can lose weight, not that you will notice for quite a while because I am back on steroids for breathing. On top of this I am already producing kidney stones in both kidneys, I hoped the kidney operation on Mother’s day would stop them but I guess not, on top of everything else the doctor thinks Jim might have contracted lyme disease after being bitten by a tick last week and we are awaiting conformation from blood tests. Sometime it is really hard for me to see God’s plan in this but I know he holds Jim and I in his hand so I will be thankful in all allows and leave the worry to him

We are having coyote’s’ hunting right at the back of our barn they have wiped out most of the cats on the property forcing me to take in 12 young kittens whose mothers were killed. I am working like crazy to get them ready for new homes and I am hoping some cat rescue agencies will help me out with this once again I prayed in advance for God to open up the doors so these kittens can find forever homes in safe environments. I have always believed that God has left us caretakers of the earth and all creatures on it and he sees all of  His creation, man included as being precious in His sight.

On the days that I hurt the most

Not feeling so good today my fibromyalgia is flaring up and everything hurts so I will take it easy. I get so frustrated when I try to be active re housework, a little gardening etc and my body just won’t cooperate. It drives me crazy sometimes! But I do love to write poetry,  on days when I am not feeling well I love to study the bible and write. I find it so relaxing. So even in pain there is joy to be found.

On the days that I hurt the most

I find the time to praise and boast

About the tender place I consider my retreat,

In which I praise my Heavenly Host

The truth that is written in my Lord’s own heart, is the wing that shelters me

I am humbled as His love washes over me and gives me eyes to see

That even when times are tough and it seems like the pain will never end

Hard times won’t last for ever and joy is just around the bend

Hidden in the Lord’s promises is a new life custom-made for me

Where pain and strife don’t exist and happiness just won’t let me be

In this world tears, sickness and death disappear, never to be seen again

And fear has gone forever and peace and love transcend

Blocking out all anger, hate and evil, Oh what a glorious day

I get lost thinking about the place the Lord has made for me and all that I will do and say

As I behold the city that is made of gold and the river of life that leads the way

Past the trees of life and the fruit they bear to the throne of mighty God

Where I will bend my knees and bow my head, while I listen to the angels sing aloud

 

 

 

You Carry Me

I have had a hard three weeks. I finished up my steroid treatment and the day after my face broke out in swollen blister like legions all over my cheeks just below my eyes and on my for head somewhat like a racoon mask. The emergency dept. did not know what it was so they treated it with steroid cream . My dermatologist diagnosed it as acute roscia and prescribed more cream. The next Sunday I was rushed into the Lindsay Hospital emergency dept. who transferred me to Peterborough Hospital for emergency surgery to remove a kidney stone that was stuck in duct which caused my right kidney to be blocked and swollen. They also detected another kidney stone that was in the left kidney but it was to high up to remove so I will have to try to pass this stone on my own. At first I was not too happy about enduring more pain. But I know you ‘ll help me through this even if you have to carry me.

You Carry Me

You live inside the heart of me, You have a window to my soul

When the outside world comes crashing down I’ll always have You to hold

As I endure times of pain and grief , You see my every tear

You catch it in Your outstretched hand and chase away my fears

In times of uncertainty when I can’t find my way

When my love of life is running low, I bow my head and say

Lord You are my rock that I hold on to, clinging for dear life

You are the only one who has endured it all, You know my pain and strive

For they bound Your hands and feet and nailed You to the cross

Lovingly You died for me , You didn’t care about the cost

So this day I come to You, so tired I can not lift my eyes

And ask You to bare this burden, together you and I

Oh Awesome Lord I thank You for helping me to see

The light between the raindrops, on the days You carry me

 

 

My Greatest Need

Philippians Chp 4 vs 6-7″ Be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God and the peace of God,which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

Hebrews  Chp 4 vs  16 “Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need”

One of the reasons I created this blog was to create an outlet to talk about my health and how Christ impacts my walk with chronic disease. When you continually have health problems most people will be supportive at first but as time goes by and you don’t get better they start looking for reasons why you are not getting better. Some christians feel that I must have some sin in my life that I am not addressing, some think its because the farm work is just to hard therefore tiring me out so I never get better,some think that its my diet , Some say that I don’t have enough faith to be healed etc. Whatever the reason people start to pull away and even thought they ask how you are they really don’t want to know.

Right now in some church’s is what I call the name it and claim it philosophy of health that dictates if you believe Christ can heal you, a person asks Jesus for healing and then they give thanks for it but from that point forward the person can never talk about the illness again because that would indicate a lack of faith. And if you don’t have the faith to  believe you can’t be healed. So if anyone asks how they are doing they are forced to put on a smile and say something “like it’s all good, everything is fine etc”. I don’t know how this philosophy got started put instead of healing a person and setting them free it oppress and imprisons a person forcing them to carry the weight of their illness and all the feelings associated with it (fear, insecurity, despair, pain loneliness, failure)alone. I don’t know how this philosophy got started but it is not biblical, our Lord Jesus Christ never intended us to carry our burdens alone. He invites us to pour out our heart and to share our  pain, anguish,fear,anger our worries and insecurities with him through prayer and he will give us peace, not as the world understand the word peace but a peace that surpasses all understanding. The Lord tell us this in the two bible versus listed above.

I have not blogged for a while because I have been in the hospital with breathing problems, I was home for a few weeks than I woke up one morning in dire pain and spent the next week passing three kidney stones, after that my fibromyalgia has kicked up and I was in pain. Currently the pain from the fibro is making it hard to walk and I have an infection that is in my left leg that so far is not responding to antibiotics. If it does not improve in a day or two I will have to go to the hospital and begin IV treatment on it. I used to pour out how I feel to fellow church members because it made me feel less alone. Over the years the Lord has taught me the best place to pour my heart out is to him because he loves me unconditionally and he will always give me the support and  comfort I need. He never disapoints me.

Sometimes the Lord will allow you to go through trials in life some are health related, some are financial related etc, in order to teach you to rely  on him. I can honestly say the last seven years have been the loneliest years of my life. People I thought were true friends deserted me, relations with family members have been strained at best, and some of my church friends who I thought would be the most supportive have been the most judgemental. But having gone through all of this the Lord has taught me to lean on Him every day. On the days that I was able to read his word he always directed me to some passage that would help guide me and bring me comfort and I would find peace for that moment. On the days that I did not seek his face and did not read his word were like being on an emotional rollercoaster that was terrifying and held very little peace. Little by little moment by moment the Lord was teaching me that He was my greatest need.

I used to spend a lot of time worrying about the future. If my health was this challenging at 49 how would I cope  when I was 59. The Lord never intended us to worry about the future because if we believed in Him He tells us in Jeremiah 29 vs 11 For I know the plans  I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. And this is the truth I cling to.

My Greatest Need

Your always there to hear me You know my frame of mind

Your always there to guide me, You always have the time

No matter what I am going through, You have the words that help

Always You are with me, no matter what I felt

Not once did you desert me, even though I sometimes feel alone

Your always working behind the scenes, when I am lost You guide me home

When times are at there darkest You shine a ray of hope

That keeps my head above the waters and somehow I just float

Through the raging rapids that want to sink my soul

You lift me from the waters and call me back into the foul

Cradled  into your loving embrace I will always seek Your face

For I’ve seen how You  love me when You extend me Your mercy and Your grace