The Drive

It has been a rough start to a new year in relation to my health. I have been battling some sort of constant health crisis since last July when I forgot to get my flu shot. Asthmatic’s can have real problems with their lungs when a respiratory flu sets in and the recovery process can take quite awhile forcing me to give up my business and go back to an office job after being away from the office for over ten years. In the beginning of this year I have had two really bad tooth abscess'(think it’s because the drugs I take dry all the saliva out of my mouth and that saliva has antibacterial properties that protect teeth) that needed to be treated by intravenous antibiotics and in Feb I caught my second round of respiratory flu that landed me in the hospital for a few days were they found a small hole in my heart.
Than after a very cold spring rapid humid air masses have kicked off Asthma season with a bang and being active on the farm is almost impossible right now. Lately I have become a prisoner in my bedroom where are one air condition unit is set up. I was so hoping that this summer would be better and I would be able to spend a lot of time with the goats and the horses. Than there are always the endless stream of kittens that we find homes for this time of year. The weather will certainly make that chore a little harder.
Since the influx of humid weather I drive to work with the air condition on and run into our air-conditioned office than come home and feel like a virtual prisoner up in my bedroom that offers a very limited few of our farm. Than tomorrow comes and I get up and do it all over again
In times like this I am so glad to be a Christian because whenever a health crisis strikes I see it as the Lord’s way of slowing me down so I can spend more time seeking his face. In prayer, reading the word, or writing I draw closer to Him for comfort and he strengthens me for the road ahead. Without knowing the Lord this journey would be very hard to handle. When I am sidelined from my everyday life and Jim is at work the Lord is my constant companion and it is through these circumstances that my trust in him grows.
I was overjoyed last week when the humidity cleared out for two days and I could resume my daily chores caring for the animals on the farm. But my joy was short-lived when the hot humid weather returned with a vengeance and the air conditioner in the truck quit working. We bought the truck second-hand a year ago and it has done nothing but breakdown and now we are scrambling to find a reliable truck in our price range which is not easy. The real fly in the ointment is my husband’s car does not have air conditioning  leaving me unable to go to work, or to doctor appointments  I simply can not breath in this weather. I have been very fortunate that my neighbor has given me a drive into work and has picked me up but last night I worked a late shift and she just couldn’t make it so my husband picked up in his car.
As I walked to the car I hoped the air would be cooler but no such luck. Every breath I took was uncomfortable and I knew that it would get worse with every passing minute of the half hour car ride home.
Ten minutes into the drive I felt a surge of heat and dread flow through my body and I knew a panic attack was on its way to make the drive even more difficult. As the panic attack took hold of my body I struggled to take deeper breathes hoping to squeeze some more oxygen out of the thick dense air. Even though I was aware of what was happening I was helpless to stop the onslaught of terror that was raging through my body. If you have never had a panic attack you simply can’t articulate to someone how awful they are. I knew if I could not calm down I would hyperventilate, have blurred vision and possibly pass out which would not be good for Jim. At this point I did not want to use my rescue inhalers for fear the medication would speed up my heartbeat and make the attack even worse. so I frantically looked for Lorezapam which I keep on hand to calm down  severe attacks of fibromyalgia but it works well for panic attacks as well. As I put the tiny pill under my tongue (it will absorb into blood stream very quickly this way) I realized it would not melt because of my severe dry mouth and for once I had no water in the car. Now the panic attack was full speed ahead and I had no idea how to keep it at bay.
Than all of a sudden a very calm quiet voice in the back of my head said its just fear Jen just pray. I knew the second I heard that quiet command it was the Lord reminding me he was right there looking out for me. immediately I began to pray and the words of Timothy 2-17 came to mind. “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and a sound mind.” Soon after the panic began to subside to a level where I could control it and I was able to concentrate on what Jim was telling me about his day and I got through the drive.
It’s little events like this that the Lord uses to teach me to trust Him. With each challenge we conquer together Jesus leaves memories that constantly remind me of his love and faithfulness toward me even when I don’t do anything to deserve his love.
Even though the Lord allows adversity to touch us all he makes it clear to the one’s who seek him that He is always the rock we should cling to when the storms of life threaten to sweep us out to sea. He definitely is a real and present help in times of trouble and I could not live my life without Him.

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